Saturday, 2 July 2011

I had a dream...

When people told me to start blogging, I thought it would be a very difficult business to get into. How does one go about it? Do you buy a plot of land and grow your own from scratch? Or do you have to go find some that are ready and take them yourself? Presumably paying someone to do so?
Well, I wish someone would have clarified it with me earlier. The trial is coming up and it looks I'm being charged with "Unauthorised Logging". Nobody was using those trees! I checked for tree-houses or those little rope swing things. I think there were some kids up there, but they hadn't built any solid structures, so they can't have hadn't made any long term investment.
So anyway, as I was carrying the tree over the fence, I looked into the back room of their house, and couldn't help but notice a woman "blogging" on her computer, and that's when it all clicked.

Dreams have a habit of being strange, it seems to be in their nature. Very rarely do I have a dream which is just "went to shops. bought milk. went home." It would more likely be closer to:  "went to shops. tried to buy milk. realised i was naked. why is my lecturer here too? Now I'm driving... wait, I can't drive... Oh shit it's that murderer off the TV! RUN! Wait, can't run!" and wake up sweating.
So anyway, It shouldn't be too surprising to hear that I had a dream, where I released a wild bear into my family home for a laugh....
That's actually pretty concerning, isn't it? Well it gets worse. I wasn't trying to make me laugh, I was trying to make them laugh. "Hey look family, you might be mauled to death in your own kitchen. lol."
I think the penny might have dropped at some point, when the bear was in the utility room, and my mum was going in there with a basket of washing (my dreams can be horrificaly stereotypical), to which I shouted "Wait! Don't go in! There's a bear in there!"
How would I even get hold of a wild bear? I have trouble picking up Mini's dosile (and racist) cats as it is. Would travelling across the world to bear country (Bearzil?), laying an elaborate trap to catch a being at least 5x my weight (probably 3x by the time you read this, but that's for another blog) at the considerable risk of my own life, and then attempting to transport it back home in a massive box, really be worth it, EVEN if it were certain to be the funniest joke in the world?
I can't remember how the dream ended. I like to imagine that I managed to control the situation and tame the bear. And then maybe it would become our butler. (Father Christmas, If you're reading, Butler bear please)

Sometimes though, I wake up, and I'm really not sure what was dream and what was real. So if you hear anything, maybe read a newspaper headline along the lines of "Wild bear slaughters family of 6 in tragic comic mix-up", It might be best to call me or leave a comment or something. I may have to lay low for a while.


  1. Send this to Christopher Nolan

  2. *Inception horn*

    Good blog Dan :-)

  3. "A wonderful insight into the Bearzilian economy" - News of the World

  4. Incredible blog, not laughed this much in ages. Congrats.